Definition of being a girlfriend

What does it mean to be someone's Girlfriend? How is it defined? How are boundaries set? I look over my past 12 years of really being part of the dating world (I started at the late age of 18) and I still don't really know. I've never really liked the word "Boyfriend" We're in our late 20s and early 30s! If someone considers you their girlfriend, what does it mean? What are the expectations? How do you have that conversation - without putting too much pressure and making things too claustrophobic?

the other woman

I told my mom that I hadn't seen the guy I was dating for a while and that our time is really limited. I mentioned how, his ex found out he was dating me and that she was pretty upset. When I hung out with the guy on Monday, he omitted the fact that I was with him - to keep the peace. They would be spending Christmas Day together, so it'd be best to not add fuel to the fire. I understand that - and wanted him to have a good holiday. Well, Christmas is over. It's been 6 days and I haven't seen him. My mother said to me... "you're the other woman".


(NOTE: Look up Sugarland and Stay to see the real video on Youtube).

Will that always be the case for a girl who is involved with a guy who has an ex? Will the ex always be involved? I'm thinking yes. So who comes first?

impatience

I've decided I'm really an impatient person - when it comes to Love. I've been dating a guy for a little while (really only a few months). Well, it's complicated... but then, isn't every relationship? Here's the complication, he has a 7 year old daughter and an ex-wife who relies on him a lot. I don't know enough of the details because he hasn't shared them. So here's the deal, the facts are that he hasn't had any time for me this week, the fact that I've had one email, and there are not future plans of when we're going to meet again.... does that all lead to the fact that he just considers me as someone who is replaceable or expendable? We haven't had much time together the last month - and yet, when we're together, it's nice. He's come over to just help me put together shelves in my garage, or hang out while I was painting the bathroom. I hung out with him on Monday to help him go shopping for his daugher and her two half-sisters. When I was with him on Monday, he made sure I knew how to get to his house. He talked about things that lead me to think that he's thinking that we'll be hanging out more in the future. I know that his ex- had him taking care of the girls all week, so he really didn't have time for me. I haven't met his daughter yet. When is the right time to meet someone's child? I've never been in this situation before? I really do want to spend more time with him and get to know him. Does that mean, that I should ask him about meeting his daughter? Or, should I assume that we're not far along enough in the relationship - to take that step. I'd say we've been on 15 dates or so. He doesn't make any promises.

We use to send emails every night - and then they've stopped this month. His work got super busy. This is their crunch time at work. So, do I just learn to have patience? Do I let the holidays pass and then see how things go?
I guess the thing that frustrates me is that I was actually in town this week. I wasn't traveling. So, it was a great opportunity on my side - for the two of us to have time together. Nothing happened since Christmas Eve day. During that day, his ex called him 4+ times.

I don't know whether to be frustrated, or to slap myself and to tell myself to just be patient.

Head Under Water

Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you asked for it'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better Reason to write you a love song today
I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

No One

I emailed my parents this week to let them know I was dating someone not of my faith. I'm not in love with him at this point - but I like him. I want to get know him more. My parents are visiting in a few weeks and I didn't want them to think I was hiding anything.



This song keeps playing on the radio (Alicia Keys, "No One"). I think that it kind of applies.

Jumping off into the deep end?

Well, I did it. I went on my first date with a guy I met online. I have to tell you that while I was rushing around last night and rushing out the door, I knew I was going to reach the restaurant late. I didn't realize that one road that i had to travel on for 3 miles would take 15 minutes itself! Still, I left late. The whole time I'm driving, I'm thinking - 'he's not going to be what I think he is in my head', 'he's only 6'0" and I tried dating a guy that short once - and i wasn't attracted to him because he was at least 2" too short' (shallow I know, but a reality of part of the reason i wasn't attracted to the guy in the past). To compensate and help make it not so much an issue, i wore my flip flops. They're as flat as I get. Most of my shoes have a 2" heal.

Well, i was suppose to meet him at 6:30. At 6:31 i was at least 10 minutes away. I decided to call him. Up until that point, we'd only talked online. So I knew that my calling him meant that he ended up with my phone #. If he ended up being a stalker, then this wouldn't be a good idea. Well, i didn't want to be rude and have him think i was a no-show. So, I called him. I said "i know this is a bad first impression but I'm running late". he said that was fine and that he was just waiting inside the restaurant.

I'm still trying to talk to myself about how it's okay that I committed to dinner and a movie - that it would still be fun no matter what. It doesn't have to be THE ONE.... it's okay to meet him. At the same time, I just sent a prayer to heaven that heavenly father knew I really just want to be dating someone who does the little things and who cares. If it is possible.

When I walked into the restaurant, I could just see his legs from behind a wall, so I peak around and say 'Hi".

First impressions: he's so much cuter than his pictures! It was more than that. He has a light in his eyes that just makes him a genuine good guy. It makes you recognize this right away. At least, I just had that feeling. The height - I didn't even notice.

Later, as we walked out of the restaurant, i pushed myself through the doors first, instead of allowing him to open them for me. He mentioned that he'd missed the opportunities.

As we're walking to the movie theatre, he made a point of changing sides with me and walking on the street side of the side walk. I'm so out of practice because it's been a long time since I've been with a gentleman; a guy who cared about those little things.

He was a perfect gentleman. He was even a little nervous around me - but it was really cute. We ended the date with saying we'd like to meet again. He reached to shake my hand, i shook it but then I gave him a hug. maybe that's a little forward, but I like to hug people - so it can still just be a friendly hug.

He even emailed me last night to let me know that he was interested. I like that he told me he didn't want to do the "wait three days" before you call kind of thing. I'm glad he doesnt' want to play games. I'm not into it. I can't remember all those things about not calling, not talking and telling certain things - just to keep a guy interested. Who knows what will happen but I have to tell you it just felt good to go on a great first date. It was done right. It felt right.

Faith

What is Faith?

"Faith exists when absolute confidence in that which we cannot see combines with action that is in absolute conformity to the will of our Heavenly Father. Without all three—first, absolute confidence; second, action; and third, absolute conformity—without these three all we have is a counterfeit, a weak and watered-down faith.... Only when our faith is aligned with the will of our Heavenly Father will we be empowered to receive the blessings we seek." (Elder Joseph. B. Wirthlin: "Shall He Find Faith on the Earth?", oct. 2002 General Conference)

I absolutely love this quote. I use to have the first sentence of this on my wall. Now I realize that there is much more to this quote than I originally memorized. I think it is important to recognizing that aligning our faith with the will of God EMPOWERS us to receive the blessings we seek. That means, that we may be the ones to create the blessings we seek - but it will be through power with God and it will be through faith in something - even something that we cannot see. You can read the whole talk at http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-315-25,00.html.

Psychology of LDS Single Men - Observation 1

I'm thinking I'll have a lot of posts about this. But I think LDS Singles are interesting. For example, today I sent an evite to a brunch. It's totally non-pressure. 20 people were invited. Well, the first 2 people to see the evite were men (I know this because I am the organizer of the evite). Did they immediately mark, Yes, maybe, or no? No! They logged on, saw the evite and logged off. Why are LDS single-men (especially those over 27) so non-committal? I'm not locking my cupboard here... I'm not on the prowl for them. I'm just inviting friends to a brunch.

Just an observation

Have you ever been to LDSlinkup? Well, it's like the myspace for the Mormon world. Here's the funny thing. If you know the people in real life, it's interesting to see what they put on their profiles. I was a Sociology major - so I like to analyze people and why they choose to do the things they do. For an example. There is a girl, I know is divorced. I came across her site. I noticed that it mentions nothing about her children. it doesn't say that she is divorced. She talks about her adventures and what she like. She lists that she's interested in a date or match, meeting new people... but there is nothing about her having 2 children! Why would a divorcee cover that information? A couple weeks after finding her site, I came across the site of a guy who was proudly the father of 2. He talks about his children being his priority. He talks about family taking up the majority of his time. Now I ask you, as the ex-husband of the woman's site I saw - who's the better parent? Why is the mother ashamed of her children and her situation? Why is the father so proud? I have to tell you that I'm more impressed with the ex-husband than the ex-wife.