We don't always get what we want...

Dr. M today: "Jacqui's husband just asked me to be on a 2 man team with him for a golf tournament. Problem is, it's the 15th of May.
Me: "you should go"
Dr. M: "But I'm scheduled to see you that weekend"
NOTE: I'll have been traveling for two weeks, so it's true, I told him I wouldn't travel that weekend and he'd have to come down.

Me: "Well, I'm scheduled to get married that day but we don't all get what we want :)."

but you should do it.

NOTE: I decided over 15 years ago, that I would someday get married on May 15th (My grandpa's birthdate). This is the last year I can get married on a Saturday in the temple for 3 years - because the temple isn't open on Sundays and Mondays and it's leap year in there somewhere.

Dr. M: we'll talk :)

Me: Hahaha - stumped you :)

Treat life like golf

When we're at the driving range and I hit a ball (poorly or great), Dr. M will ask me, "What were you focusing on." Me: "Everything". He asked me to catalog one time everything I was thinking of before I hit the ball:
1. Feet width and angle
2. Ball length
fingers overlapping
Club angle
Club position by ball
keeping feet on ground
bend arms but not too much
angle club handle to my left leg
...

you get the idea, the list is long.

Dr. M told me, you're doing xyz. I'll watch those things and tell you if they change, you focus on abc...

I seriously have an issue with focusing and trying to do Everything and remember everything.

Yesterday, I was talking to him about everything I need to do and how I am feeling overwhelmed and getting a little done on everything but not ONE thing. Dr. M pointed out, "Maybe you should treat it like golf". It took me a while to realize what he meant.

This morning, I sent him an email and said, "I just want to be 10 people so I can focus on everything" - I don't follow advice very well, but he is right.

It's not sexy...

I've decided one thing I really admire and like about Dr. M is his integrity. He is an honest person; even on things I'd be okay White-lying about. it's not something world thinks is sexy, but I really appreciate his integrity. It makes me feel safe and also just want to be more like that.

Smile

One of the first things about Dr. M that you'll notice, is his BIG GRIN! Seriously, it's a grin, not just a smile. His smile just makes me laugh. So, when I heard this song a few weeks ago, I decided it really was what described us.

Songs that make me think of you...

Dr. M texted me a couple weeks ago that he was listening to music while he was at the driving range, and the songs made him think of me. WHen I asked which songs, he said, "too personal".

Well, since then and even before that, I've been trying to figure out the songs that make me think of him or us or whatever :).

I just wrote about one of my favorite Keith Urban songs. That song meant something to me a while ago. I have one that describes me and how I feel about Dr. M:

(and as I look for the song on Youtube, i see many others I could post, so I'll post two here).
1.

2.Making Memories of Us - this is what I hope Dr. M is saying to me or will someday:

This isn't how I'm feeling now

It's really interesting to hear all the songs now - that just a few months ago, made me cry and process and work through the pain of losing a love that wasn't... I don't hurt any more and I don't relate to those songs any more. I hear them, and think, wow that song used to touch me and help me. I don't feel that way any more...

that's a great thing. That being said, I still have favorite songs. Keith Urban is one of my favorite singers. I'm a fan of his on Facebook and he posted a link to Kelly Clarkson doing a cover of his song: Tonight I'm going to cry. I really do love this song so I have to share.

Golf Widow? But we're not married

This weekend I was the equivalent of a golf widow but Dr. M and I aren't married. So I asked him what that made me? I decided that it made me Golf Dumped. So, as a golf dumpee- Dr. M played golf until 3 on Saturday and then we watched the Masters all week (Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday). Yep, I watched golf on TV. And even was into it (a bit).

Mostly, I was into it because we entered a contest to win free stuff if Phil Mickelson won the masters. He won. I win a free golf club. I also entered two friends and my brother into the contest. If they don't want the club, then Dr. M can sell them on ebay and we'll make a little cash.

the catch? well one catch is the clubs don't come for 12-16 weeks. Funny that it takes 4 months to get your prize. By then, people will probably give up and just buy the club if they really want it.

Cramps!

I'm a girl who I think will have to admit I'm sick a lot. I have allergy attacks, ovarian cysts and bad cramps during my time of the month. Yep, it's true. Isn't that great to admit out there for the world? Ha ha. Well, this weekend was one of those weekends. CRAMPS! On saturday, I didn't tell Dr. M what was happening. I just don't want to be battling my being sick (had a cold 2 weekends ago), his being sick (he got a cold last weekend), my allergies, his allergies.... it's just non-stop. So I chose to say nothing.

But Sunday, I was there all day, so I just couldn't hide it.

It's interesting about me. I've discovered that I don't really want to cuddle all that much during this time. As much as I liked being with Dr M this weekend, I also didn't want to do much more than lay on the couch with him on the other side instead of my cuddled up leaning against him. TMI? just interesting for me. I don't think I've been too WITCHY. Maybe a little snarky this weekend, but other than that, just more tired and don't want to do much but hang-out.

Relationships really do cause you to know things about yourself.

Church

Yesterday, I attempted to go to Dr. M's ward. He told me that he didn't know what ward he belongs to any more (boundaries have changed). i thought I had read that church started at 9:30. Well, I was late leaving my sister's house. I arrived 9 minutes late for church, only to find out it started at 9. Also, my GPS thought the church was 1 block away from where it was. I couldn't see the steeple, but decided to keep looking around in the area and FINALLY found the church.

Oh well, I sat on the couch and listened to the talks on the atonement. After sacrament meeting, I saw a guy go into an office labeled, "Clerk's Office". I was trying to decide who I should ask about ward boundaries, when I knocked on the office and asked the guy there, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes" - he gave me a weird look so I think i was interrupting deep thought.
Me: "my friend isn't active, he lives over by X hospital and I'm wondering if this is the ward that he belongs to."
Him: "Yes... but the ward starts at 11" - so I realize then he's the clerk for the later ward, not the one I had just attended.
him: "who is it?"
Me: Ummmm... _____*I said the first name
Him: *he said the last name
Me: Yes.
Him: I know his brother.

AAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Dr. M had told me that his brother had a friend in the ward. I asked this guy not to say anything to Dr. M's brother. I just don't want to add pressure and said that if they send Missionaries, he won't open the door.

He asked me how I knew Dr. M, I said, "I'm dating him".

Anyway, it was very curious that the one person I would talk to would be the ONE person Dr. M had told me about in the ward. Is that a coincidence?

I wasn't sure what I was going to tell Dr. M. I don't want to have any secrets, but I also didn't want to add pressure. I told him part of the story when I go there, then later last night, I told him the rest of the story. He asked, "You've been mulling this over all day? I told him "no." I had decided not to tell "you". I asked if he was mad or anything or frustrated with me about it. He told me no. In fact, he thought it was funny that I met his brother's friend.

So, once again, no secrets from Dr. M.

I even told him about my nice little girl-cramps yesterday. it's what you get for spending so much time with someone.

I have found it interesting. I've never dated someone so regularly where we spend SO much time together. Once I'm with him, I'm around him for hours. I'll write more in my next post.

He cheats

Wow! Those words have a new meaning in my life after the past 12 months. But with Dr. M, we play games and he WINS! I've warned him I'm a poor/sore loser. I really am. I know it. Yesterday, we played Uno Attack. I won 3 games. He won 12 or something like that many!

We played Phase 10 dice. I think he let me win.

Lots of driving

I'm nearing my end of driving up here every weekend. Well, not really but I'm tired. I drove up here on Wednesday and I am leaving late tonight. My brother actually ended up taking the train up and wants a ride home. So, I stayed an extra day. And yes, an extra day is nice, but it's also hard if you haven't been home for almost a week and really, an extra WEEK DAY just means working somewhere other than home. Dr. M works until late - tonight he works until 7, so there's not much time for us to see each other. We're planning on going to the driving range but I think we'll run out of time. He wants to go look at a bike (cheap) so we will have something for him to ride with me. Last weekend, he bought a helmet. He has an extra large head, so we had to buy an extra-large helmet. We had borrowed one the week before, and I don't think it was much of a life-saving device. I was here last weekend and I'm coming up this weekend. After that, I'm not driving up again until my friend B and I go on our cruise to Alaska.

I sound like I'm complaining. I guess I am. But the reality is, being here since Wednesday has been nice. Usually, I assume, when you date someone, you would be able to see them on a regular basis. I've joked about being his weekends-only girlfriend. After this week, he said this makes me his full-time girlfriend. Really, I think it's nice that I've seen him 8-9 days out of the last 12. That's good for us. I think we need to see each other regularly. If I marry him, it will be an everyday thing to be together... with him, I feel like we never have enough time. It's like I get there, and then it's time to go back to my sister's (40 minute drive). Even yesterday, I went to see him right after church. I left just after midnight. Not enough time.

He's just fun. We just laugh and I like being able to just hang out with him.