Try to not like him

So, in the past few months, I've tried to come up with a list of things I don't like about Mr. R - it's pretty shallow, but if you're trying to talk yourself out of a relationship, sometimes it is good to concentrate on the negative. This is what I came up with:

1. Car - it's American. I'm a fan of the Toyota/Honda brands. (SHALLOW!)

2. Debt (but I have a lot of debt too -mainly my house - so I'm a hypocrite)

3. At disneyland I think he was overcompensating for my tenseness and he showed off a little bit of turrets or something... it was very little boy-like. But we were at disneyland...

4. habits - I'll keep these anonymous but there are a few habits that he likes that are borderline - but not horrible/bad.

5. Family Guy is his favorite show. This show is pretty crude to me. I am often to serious for satire and need to appreciate it more.

6. The movie we went to together. It was SHOCKING and we shouldn't have gone to it. It was just too crude for my tastes, but I picked it over other ones.

7. that's it....nothing that is really a deal breaker or not fixable... not that I'd be doing the fixing - but just things or events... not something that defines the character. So that's it for the list....

well except for the one that caused the end of the end.... Yeah.... well, still working through that one.

Boilerplate council

I'm not downplaying the council I received from the bishop but I found out last night that it is verbatim what he told another girl in my ward. Huh. Just interesting. At the same time, it was good food for thought for me and something that I will consider as things progress or not with Mr. R.

I did hear briefly back from Mr. R. I'm not sure how to read his reactions. He told me on Sunday that he would write later. This morning he sent a response to a sarcastic small email I had sent him - but still... I'm not sure how to read the tone and what is really going on. His parting line to the email was "Be careful what you wish for" (threat?)

It's in his hands. I can't do anything right now. I don't even think I could email him right now. I want to be there for him as a friend, but it needs to come from him. I need him to react to what he read in my blog. I need him to react and tell me his thoughts and where he's at. We're not there right now.

Besides, he has play practice until really late each night - so I know that he probably gets home and goes straight to bed since he usually gets up at 5 am to go to work. So, who knows when and what kind of response I will get.

I will be on the east coast for the next two weeks. My first couple nights are with some friends that are setting me up with the non-member (g). I plan on going on that date with an open mind and open to possibilities. I can't put all my trust on Mr. R when at this point we are nothing. It takes trust from both sides - and right now... zip exists more than a relationship exists.

Never want to get old

Today, my friend called to tell me that her grandpa had a stroke at 2 AM this morning. Her grandma called the kids around 7 to let them know and that grandpa couldn't talk very well. She didn't take him to the hospital until after 9.

Today, my brother is meeting with the assisted living place to find out if my grandpa's wife can stay there or not. She has required a lot of help and hasn't been happy since she was transferred back there on Thursday. She does complain a lot and doesn't seem like anything that is done for her can make her happy. Our goal for the last few months has been to keep them together but if she is not happy there and becomes overly demanding, then the assisted living place is going to have to transfer her out. It's sad.

I never want to get old.

Selfish Be---otch

Yep, I just keep thinking more and more that this blog just showcases how selfish i am and how I focus so much on my life and is that really what is important? I really need to focus on other things and highlight other things and learn other things... get outside myself. What is the purpose of my life really if all I do is think about things I want to do for myself? How do I get outside this cycle?

Elizabeth Smart

I just read that Elizabeth Smart will testify in a competency hearing for her kidnappers. Amazing, that years (7?) later, the case is continuing on. What is interesting is the articles tell you that Elizabeth is going on a mission to Paris. She leaves in November. Wow! What an amazing story Elizabeth has had in her short life. How incredible that she is alive.

This next month, Jacob Wetterling will have been missing for 20 years. I wish they would find him alive. His mother has been so incredible in the fight for advocating for missing children. She deserves a miracle.

Council

When interviewing the guy who wants to marry his daughter, the bishop would ask for the following guarantees:

• promise you will always be worthy of a temple recommend and always have a current recommend.
• promise that when the time comes that you are both on the other side of the veil, that you will be able to take the woman by her hand and guide her back to the presence of the Lord.

Trust is everything. If you can't trust, then the relationship is over.

There was more but those are the highlighted pieces of council from the bishop.

A true mantle

Yesterday, I went to talk to my bishop before church. this is something that was probably long overdue. I have to confess that I haven't exactly admired or respected my bishop - and so for me to go talk with him, was more out of a guilt complex caused by my roommate.

Stories:

1. In August, my roommate, E, told me that hte bishop and RS Pres were "WORRIED" about me. and thought I was inactive. I'm Not.

- so I emailed the RS Pres and let her know I'd been traveling and that I hoped that they could take me off the inactive list. She told me that all she had done was ask about me and that she understands about the traveling (she travels a lot too).

-- The reality is, my roommmate, was feeling like I was inactive and decided to bring it up with a guilt pressure - of bringing it in by name of the bishop and RS Pres.

2. It has been decided that I will be the one to take grandpa to church. Really, i could fight this if I wanted to but the reality is, I feel like I'm at a transition time of deciding whether I should be in the singles ward or a family ward. My grandpa is the perfect excuse to put off making a decision for a while longer. At first, I thought I would transfer my records to my grandpa's ward boundaries, but now I am thinking I'll just keep them in the singles ward....

so, I went to the bishop yesterday to explain the situation with my grandparents and my schedule for the ward...

I didn't know if i'd get it - but he was sitting in the hall and we ended up talking for about 45 minutes. I haven't talked with him any other time than for tithing settlement.

So, we sit down and he asks, "You still dating that guy in California." I stopped and just looked directly at him for a LONG time. Then finally ssaid, "no".

bishop: "good, cuz long distance never works"

me: "well, we would have figured things out around that - so that it wasn't long distance."

I agreed with him about long-distance not working and talked a little bit about that ...

he talked about how he wished his son would get on the ball and get married (single, 30s, in Utah...)

Then I told him that I was there to tell him what was going on in my life... mainly my grandparents. Wow, what a support and love I felt from the bishop. As we talked, we decided that it would be good for me to come to church at least 1 time per month. In regards to my calling, I've asked the SS Pres if I can teach one time a month. the bishop would like me to come to activities when possible (i.e. break the fast). So, that is the plan.

Then, I switched back to talking about my favorite topic of the past two months... relationships. I asked the bishop about his thoughts on the repentance process and having a relationship with someone you know is going through that process.

I gained some great insight and thoughts from him. I feel like the bishop was truly being a mouthpiece for the lord to me. He said things I needed to hear, so that I would know what to consider.

I just have to say that my admiration for the bishop grew 100x yesterday. I truly respect that man now. I should have respected him more before. True, I think he's an old bishop and allows all us "old" people to be in the leadership callings (everyone in leadership is 30+)... but when sought for council, he is who I needed to talk to and told me what I needed to hear. I believe that he has the mantle of bishop for our ward.

breathe

I've had an interesting week. After talking with Mr. R - I feel like it's only put "us" back up in the air. At the same time, I'm preparing for the month of October... I've got two dates set up with friends and I don't want any guy to feel like they are a rebound, or that they wasted their time. So, I have to keep an open mind.

The fact that Mr. R and I are "up" in the air - to me means that maybe someday we could start over. But a lot would have to be said before hand. I'm not sure we'll reach that point.

After talking with Mr. R last week, I felt like I should write him, but not right away... that I should be patient and send it on Sunday morning. I sent the letter at 1 AM Saturday night. I heard back from him late last night but only briefly, as he had been at play practice and what I sent was a lot for him to digest... and he said he'd write later.

The gist of my email to him? Well I guess I just wanted to let him know that I don't see his choices this last summer as defining him. That I think he's a great guy and I hope he finds that person. I also wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. And I wasn't necessarily talking about me when I said that. I was able to talk in that email about some of my feelings of the comforter and the spirit... and it was good to just share my thoughts.

At the end of my email, I was a little sneaky... I left a "blind" link to my blog - the old blog address. You see, in this blog - now my new blog address but my old blog (confused yet), i had written that I wasn't going to write about Mr. R anymore and that I needed to just let it all go and move on. But of course I didn't. So I continued to write things that I wish I could say to Mr. R and some other thoughts, at the OLD address.

That's the link I sent to Mr. R. So, yesterday, at the end of my email, he saw there was a link to something - and it went to my blog. He wrote that he read it. I'm glad he read it. I wanted him to. Now, I feel like I've shared everything I've wanted to - to this point and laid it all out there.

Mr. R can choose what he wants to do with this information. But I mostly just feel free that I can move on without regrets. I did all I could for him and for me.

Family

I understand that family has an investment and they are "team me" - they all saw that I was hurt deeply... but at the same time... I needed to make sure that I righted the wrong. I allowed it to be said that Mr. R and Ms. YW went further than they did. That's not right.

I ended up talking with my sister for 2 hours yesterday. She basically said that unless I'm married to Mr. R - she doesn't have to accept him. I didn't tell her anything other than I had seen some correspondence between him and Ms. YW.

I've reached a point in this last month where I've really come to believe in the repentance process. I've come to realize that I don't want to judge anyone any more. I don't want to jump to conclusions... i don't want anyone to feel like I judge them... like everyone is staring at them if they are going through the process.

It may be part of the test and trial to have that feeling and paranoia - but I don't have to participate in it.

I need to believe and trust in this process.

Did Mr. R show his true character in what he was doing with ms. YW or was his true character the person I knew?

The facts, he made very clear that we were not dating exclusively. In hindsight, I understand why he was stressing that. I still fell.

basis for marriage

The proper basis for a marriage is a mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

Do you agree to this statement?

I'm not sure what I think about this? Is it being facetious?

Peace

Mr R and I talked for about an hour on Sunday. The good news is, he's working towards being on the right track - and doing better than he was even when i was dating him. The YW Pres and her husband are working on their marriage and her husband even went to Mr. R and told him that he forgives him.

This past month has grown my understanding of the repentance process and of the atonement. Mr. R and I hurt each other a lot through emails this last month. He - convinced that I was mad and said and did what I did out of anger. Me - convinced he didn't recognize that he hurt me too (because he said we weren't serious). It's true. Deep down I know that we weren't serious. Technically, because he verbally told me this on multiple occasions, we weren't serious. The problem: I was serious. I fell in love with him quickly. I still love him. I don't know if we'll ever talk again but to know that it was a good thing (and recognized by him) that the bishop was called... that they didn't go as far as my imagination conjured... that the process is being followed... that I was able to tell him that there was a reason his phone was left at home...

About the anger and the way that I did things. Mr. R asked me this last month why i didn't ask him and try to talk with him out of concern. I tried... i tried to explain my feelings from the end of June until Disneyland - that I felt like a distance was there. And then, I told him how I ended up in his emails and that I read them; that what about the YW Pres - and he said, "What about her? she's married." and I told him I read the emails. He said, "I thought I erased them." and I don't know what else I said... but he said something to the effect nothing was going on - and said he had to go. I know I asked if I had been a cover. That was the explanation I had come up with - why else would he have me go to church... this way people would stop talking about him and the YW pres maybe. Within 5-10 minutes, he unfriended me on Facebook. Within an hour, I got a nasty email from the YW Pres. I called the bishop before the nasty email. I called the bishop based on the advice from my Stake President. I didn't tell Mr. R I was calling him beforehand, because i wasn't sure if he'd lie to me and I didn't want something to not stop this - whatever it was.

After the nasty emails from both of them, I was scared for my safety. I worried that there would be revenge from his part. I talked to a close cop friend of mine and asked if MR. R would be able to do anything. Mr. R does have a gun. His first concern that night was about the YW Pres - that's what I felt...

honestly, it is just a testimony to me that the Lord was looking out for Mr. R and how much HE loves Mr. R and was helping a situation stop before it went too far. And, the Lord was looking out for me too.

After talking with Mr. R - I cry for the sadness of it and really hope that he won't feel so alone. It's not right for wards to judge. It's not right for ward members to not be welcoming to people in their ward. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone... I hope that I will learn to stop judging others, after this experience, I don't want to be a judge of anyone. I truly believe in the repentance process and that you can only end up stronger after an experience like this - if that is the path you choose to take. I believe Mr. R is taking that path.

I don't regret the calling of the bishop - my stake president said that we make the call because we are our brother's keeper. i wish ward members would remember that feeling. I need to get that feeling in my ward. I've neglected my ward so much lately and really am not part of it. I need to figure out what I'm doing about wards and then really be a part of it.

All the Love in the World

To whomever you are:


I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friends, I'm more than okay
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams, but it's not all they say

Still I believe
(I'm missing...)
I'm missing something real
I need someone who releases me

(Don't want to wake...)
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk in my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't critisise it, I had no hesitations
My imagination just stole me away

Still I believe
(I'm missing...)
I'm missing something real
I need someone who releases me

(Don't want to wake...)
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believeing you'll walk in my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

Guitar Solo:

Love's for a lifetime
Not for a moment
So happy, don't throw it away
I'm only human
And that's (?)brought colder(?)
With noone to love me that way

I need someone who releases me

(Don't want to wake...)
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believeing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

(Don't want to wake up alone anymore)
All alone
Let me know it's sure
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Still believe in someone
(Don't want to wake up alone)
When you reach for me
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Let me know it's for real

Vision

“The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs.”

—Vance Havner
(1901-1986); preacher, author

Will I be a mom with "great words to live by"?

Sheri Dew yelled at her team when she was young. Her mom grabbed her, lead her away and said:

"You are out of control. You have forgotten who you are, where you are, and what is really important. And if you would everlike to play ball again, I suggest you correct this mistake right now."

I need to chastise myself with these words sometimes.

Satan tries some variation of this approach on each of us. He lies. He shades and obscures truth. He makes evil look good and good look unenlightened and unsophisticated. He will try anything to obscure the truth about who we are, where we are, and what's really important. In President Harold B. Lee's last general conference, he stated that without an understanding of who we are, we lack "a solid foundation upon which to build our lives" (Conference Report, October 1973, 5).

...

We are women who understand that to qualify for eternal life, we must deal with a full range of difficulty and disappointment here. We are free to choose how we live, where we spend our temporal, emotional, and spiritual resources, and to what and whom we devote ourselves. We are free "to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator . . . or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil" (2 Nephi 2:27).

Our ability to successfully negotiate this spiritual minefield called mortality improves dramatically if we are clear about who we are and what is important. And what is important is eternal life. Said President Spencer W. Kimball, "Since immortality and eternal life are the sole purpose of life, all other interests and activities are but incidental thereto"(The Miracle of Forgiveness [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1969], 2)

Of course our faith will be tried. Of course we will have tests of our endurance, of our desires, and of our convictions. Said Lorenzo Snow: "The Lord . . . will try us until He knows what He can do with us. He tried His Son Jesus. Thousands of years before he came upon the earth the Father had watched His course and knew He could depend upon Him when the salvation of worlds should be at stake. . . . So . . . He will . . . continue to try us, in order that He may place us in the highest positions in life and put upon us the most sacred responsibilities" (Millennial Star 6 [24 August 1899]: 532). It is in moments of disappointment, heartache, and loneliness that we often make decisions that forge our faith, mold our characters, and fortify our convictions about the only source of strength and solace that satisfies. And that is Jesus Christ.

As our testimony of God the Father and His Son Christ expands and matures, our view of ourselves and our potential does likewise, and we begin to focus more on life forever than life today. But when we forget our Father and His Son, we forget who we are, and almost inevitably our behavior disappoints us.

NOTE: This brings a whole new meaning to the words "remember who you are"

How then do we remember the Lord during a time when the adversary has unleashed his most potent strategies? Captain Moroni provides a model for our day. For just as he prepared his people to face an army larger and more ferocious than his, so are we at battle with a sinister strategist who is devoted to our destruction.

Moroni prepared his people spiritually and temporally. His preparations were so extensive that the Lamanites were "astonished exceedingly, because of the wisdom of the Nephites in preparing their places of security" (Alma 49:5; emphasis added).

Captain Moroni raised a title of liberty and invited all who would maintain it to "come forth in the strength of the Lord" (Alma 46:20). President Hinckley has done likewise: "We have work to do, . . . so very much of it. Let us roll up our sleeves and get at it, with a new commitment, putting our trust in the Lord. . . . We can do better than we have ever done before" (Ensign, May 1995, 88).

Mormon's last words to his son Moroni were these: "Let us labor diligently; . . . for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God" (Moroni 9:6).

SOURCE: http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/1999/dew_sheri.htm

Trust

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea,

And rides upon the storm.

. . .

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

... You are a choice generation with great expectations. May our Heavenly Father ever guide and bless you; may you strive always to achieve those great expectations,

- President Monson

In the race of life...

Seek the Lord’s Help

...seek the help of the Lord. Souls are precious—your soul and my soul. Our Heavenly Father Himself has said so. Remember that we do not run alone in this great race of life; we are entitled to the help of the Lord.

To the Hebrews the Apostle Paul urged:

Lay aside . . . sin . . . , and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking [for an example] unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. [Hebrews 12:1–2]

- President Monson

Before we can take Him as our companion, before we can follow Him as our guide, we must find Him. In order to find Him, I would like to suggest, first of all, that we must make room for Him in our lives. He said, “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20).

The physician Luke described the nativity scene: “And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn” (Luke 2:7).

The invitation of the Lord is directed to each of us. Think of it as the words of the Lord to you individually: “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him [and, I might add, to her]” (Revelation 3:20).

I've never thought of those verses in that way; metaphorically, that there was no room for the Lord.... just like we get distracted in our lives and make no room for the Lord.

How can I apply this to my life?

Stick to your task till it sticks to you;

Beginners are many, but enders are few.

Honor, power, place, and praise

Will come, in time, to the one who stays.

Stick to your task till it sticks to you;

Bend at it, sweat at it, smile at it too;

For out of the bend and the sweat and the smile

Will come life’s victories, after awhile.8

AND:

Formula “W” is interesting: “Work will win when wishy-washy wishing won’t

-- President Monson, CES Fireside: http://byub.org/talks/transcripts/ces/2009/1/ces2009111-2991.pdf

Habits

Good Habits are the soul's muscles.

- President Monson, http://byub.org/talks/transcripts/ces/2009/1/ces2009111-2991.pdf

This could be describing the men (and prob'ly women) in the church today

SOURCE: http://byub.org/talks/transcripts/ces/2009/1/ces2009111-2991.pdf - Pres. Monson.

Many years ago I had the opportunity to teach at the university level, and I remember that some students seemed to know where they were going. They applied themselves, they had objectives, they had goals, and they worked toward the achievement of these objectives

and goals. But other students could not have cared less. They seemed to be drifting on a sea of chance, with waves of failure threatening to engulf them. First they became lazy, then discouraged, and then indifferent, and then they became dropouts.

...In your pursuit of excellence, real effort is required.

I'm looking for something that is great... in a relationship, I want us to have the potential to be something great. ... that we are great together....

There are a lot of LDS guys in this world who could "care less" - "they seem to be drifting on a sea of chance, with waves of failure threatening to engulf them. First they become lazy, then ....indifferent...and then they become dropouts" in the world of relationships and pursuing true eternal relationships.

It's a waste of great potential - or using the title of the talk, "Great expectations" they can meet...but fail to even try.

Age of accountability

How cool is this... research (not LDS):

Dr. Glenn Doman, a renowned scholar and scientist who has almost definitely never heard of the revelation quoted, has, through his research, come to the conclusion that a newborn child is almost an exact duplicate of [a] computer, although superior to one in almost every way.

What is placed in the child’s brain during the first eight years of life is probably there to stay. If you put misinformation into his brain during this period, it is extremely difficult to erase it.

He believed that the most receptive age in human life is that of two or three years old.

-- From a talk by president Monson, Jan. 2009 to the CES.

Hypoglycemia

I talked with a naturpath on Friday and she has diagnosed my problem with sleeping - as being tied in with my Hypoglycemia. I'm not technically Hypoglicemic but I was told once that I am borderline. So, I need to learn to snack every 2-3 hours.

Here's some more info:

Hypoglycemia Unrelated to Diabetes

• In reactive hypoglycemia, symptoms occur within 4 hours of eating. People with reactive hypoglycemia are usually advised to follow a healthy eating plan recommended by a registered dietitian.

Causes and Treatment
The causes of most cases of reactive hypoglycemia are still open to debate. Some researchers suggest that certain people may be more sensitive to the body’s normal release of the hormone epinephrine, which causes many of the symptoms of hypoglycemia. Others believe deficiencies in glucagon secretion might lead to reactive hypoglycemia.

To relieve reactive hypoglycemia, some health professionals recommend

• eating small meals and snacks about every 3 hours
• being physically active
• eating a variety of foods, including meat, poultry, fish, or nonmeat sources of protein; starchy foods such as whole-grain bread, rice, and potatoes; fruits; vegetables; and dairy products
• eating foods high in fiber
• avoiding or limiting foods high in sugar, especially on an empty stomach

SOURCE: http://diabetes.niddk.nih.gov/dm/pubs/hypoglycemia/#prevention

Who we really are...

The Lord knows who we really are, what we really think, what we really do, and who we really are becoming. He has warned us that “the rebellious shall be pierced with much sorrow; for their iniquities shall be spoken upon the housetops, and their secret acts shall be reveale

d” (D&C 1:3).

Elder Bednar gave a talk on technology/virtual digital distractions vs "things as they really are"

For your happiness and protection, I invite you to study more diligently the doctrine of the plan of salvation—and to prayerfully ponder the truths we have reviewed. I offer two questions for consideration in your personal pondering and prayerful studying:

1. Does the use of various technologies and media invite or impede the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost in your life?

2. Does the time you spend using various technologies and media enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, to love, and to serve in meaningful ways?

You will receive answers, inspiration, and instruction from the Holy Ghost suited to your individual circumstances and needs. I repeat and affirm the teaching of the Prophet Joseph: “All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him.

...

Elder Neal A. Maxwell visited the campus of Brigham Young University–Idaho to speak in a devotional. During the day he was on the campus, we talked together about a variety of gospel topics in general and about the youth of the Church in particular. I remember Elder Maxwell making a statement that greatly impressed me. He said, “The youth of this generation have a greater capacity for obedience than any previous generation."

He then indicated that his statement was based upon a truth taught by President George Q. Cannon: “God has reserved spirits for this dispensation who have the courage and determination to face the world, and all the powers of the evil one, visible and invisible, to proclaim the Gospel, and maintain the truth, and establish and build up the Zion of our God, fearless of all consequences. He has sent these spirits in this generation to lay the foundation of Zion never more to be overthrown, and to raise up a seed that will be righteous, and that will honor God, and honor him supremely, and be obedient to him under all circumstances.”

...the teachings of President Cannon and Elder Maxwell help us to understand more fully what is required of us today. You and I are to be valiant and “obedient to him under all circumstances.”

Tri

I did it! in 1 hour 57 minutes, I did my first tri-it (Novice level). I loved it. I did pretty well for not running most of the 5k. I walked it 70% of the time.

I swam 1/4 mile in 12 minutes, I biked 12 miles in a little over 1 hour and then ran in about 40 minutes (walked). My left foot went numb at mile 6 of the ride so it was a little slow going. Funny thing happened too: hail came down at miles 6 of the bike ride. Pretty funny! It was a rainy morning (the sun came out while we were driving home).

What I thought was cool, as I was "running" - people would pass me (either going the same direction or as they were on their way back to the finish) and they would be so encouraging. I found myself starting to cheer others on too. It was great. People kept saying, "you can do it".

Im pretty proud of myself. I never thought I'd compete in a triathlon. For me, this wasn't necessarily a competition but just an accomplishment for myself. I loved it.

What I know from this experience: Next time I will do the sprint distance (swim is 1/2 mile). I know that I really can be faster - I wasn't very competitive or driven to work on my time - and hopefully in the next few months, I'll be able to get the podiatrist to fix my feet problems. So, I can only improve from here :).

I'm grateful for my brother (3rd in his division for olympic distance) who encouraged me to do this. It's not something I ever planned on doing.

Fun day!

Not to get back at the boy... but just time for a change

This week - I became a brunette. I love it. My friends have all told me that it looks great and they like it. I actually think my eyes stand out more than they would if I was just my normal strawberry blond. I don't think this is my forever color but it's fun for now. I think dark hair looks neater - even in the same style as i would be as a blonde... hmmmm, this may last longer than I originally thought. I'm kind of liking this.

Some people may think I did this because I broke up with Mr. R. My brother asked that right away - when he saw it. Really, I felt like shaking things up. Maybe it is cuz of the boy - more just because something major happened and time to take control of my life in a different way. Also, I've been wanting to try being a brunette for over 2 years now. I just finally made the leap of faith to try it.

it's fun. 2 days in, I'm loving it. It's definitely shocking to people who know me well. I surprise myself everytime I look into the mirror.

Jaded and funny

I sat in one of the back rows of church on Sunday. Do you know what I thought about? Yes, of course. Isn't that horrible? Anyway, one of the things that kept coming to mind as I looked at backs of heads, oh that girl has brown curly hair like....KKKK.... wonder if she would ever do what KKKK did with Mr. R. I forever am thinking that when I see a girl from the back with dark brown hair...when I met KKKK, we sat behind her at church. Crazy! I still just get squeamish about the fact that I sat behind her and met her and that she emailed me. ICK!

Here's the funny thing: I've always wanted to try being a brunette and on Thursday, I'm getting my hair done and I'm going dark and stripy.