Were they single?

During a fireside last night, the area 70 mentioned that there are singles in the scriptures.  While this may true, I wonder how many times spouses are really mentioned in the book of mormon.  The area 70 used the example of the missionaries: 

Alma the Younger, Amulek and Zeezrom.  

If members of our church in the 1800's were going on missions, leaving their wives at homes for years, then I don't know why they wouldn't have done so in the Book of Mormon days.  So while it's a good theory, I don't know that it's doctrinally sound. I could be wrong.  Would love some thoughts from others.  

Were they single?  Who was?

Sad... disappointed

Last night, I went to a fireside for what I thought would be an announcement that our area was getting a single's emphasis ward like 10+ areas in California, areas in Utah, Europe, and even in Seattle.  Well based on the title, I think you can guess that it was something different.  The announcement was that they had created new positions in each stake, lumped each stake in groups of stakes - and that there will be a coordinated effort of activities that are multi-stake. Ummm, okay -- not really something new - just more callings and positions that are organized. So that's a good thing.  The communication channels should be better organized.  So, sounds like a good thing.  Don't really understand why there was an informational meeting about it.  

After the meeting, I went to the area 70 and asked him if our area was getting a singles emphasis ward and he said, "no.  the new callings were this regions solution to that" and pretty much shut the door on my discussion with him.  

But here's the deal... throughout the Q&A that they did have, I got the impression that neither 70 knew what to do with all the singles, despite 'analysis for the last year, ad-hoc"  

In their spiritual messages, they challenged us to "think outside ourselves."  Which is good advice but it's also the stereotypical analysis of why we are still single.  

I'm not trying to sew seeds of apostacy (there have been recent RS and SS lessons) with my disappointment.  But I am sad and disappointed.  

I'm fine with keep doing what I'm doing but just sad that there isn't a consistent method of treating the singles - sad that our area has decided to try a different experiment.  I'm sad.  And I think it's valid to state my feelings.  

There's a problem with consistencies in our region when our single's ward lets 36 year olds+ come back to the YSA ward.  There is an inconsistency in our region when the YSA regional reps that are called are actually over the 31 age limit.  Both area 70 mentioned that while the ceiling is soft (meaning you can go to group activities for people older) you are not to go to activities for the younger groups.  That's not a standard that is practiced by our bishop.  I think our bishop has opened our YSA ward back up because there really is no place for Mid-singles to feel at home. Most family wards stick the singles in primary.  So, with all these inconsistencies, why can't our region have a single's emphasis ward?  

SIDE NOTE: the church doesn't want to use the term Mid-Singles any more.  I think it'll be hard to move away from it and might end up being a term that the church will need to embrace (like "Mormons"... have we ever been able to get rid of that term?)  It may have started out as a derogatory term, and it doesn't necessarily show that we're a Christian church, but I find myself always saying, "I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS - the Mormons".

So, this is a posting with a negative tone and I apologize.  

I look at this non-turn of events as just one more reason that I need to think outside the box in how I'm going to meet people and future potential husbands for myself and my friends (oops did I just think outside myself - probably not).  Meaning, beyond our church organized activities and groupings.  A new way of organizing mid-singles (oops!) dances isn't really going to change much.  I think it has some potential, and I'll support these events.  Those with the callings, have a hard road ahead for them and I wish them the best.  

Really, I guess I was just hoping that when I went up to the area 70 that he would look at me with respect and really want to hear what I had to say.  Instead, he shut the door as quickly as possible.  I had 2 questions for him.  One was related to the fireside, which he said no... and another that I asked him, he just basically shut the door as quickly as possible with a fluff answer.  I was surprised and disheartened.  As someone who is over this region, I thought he would want to help me, just know who I should talk to at Church Headquarters  This is a project I've been doing in my local stakes.  He basically shot that down too and said that that church leaders probably had it covered and I shouldn't do anything.  I was sad that I was discredited so quickly by him and I just got the sense of the "good ol' boy network' and because I don't belong to that, he wasn't really interested in what I had to say or ask.  I know area 70 are human, so I take what he said with a grain of salt.  

My plan in regards to my second question is still to find someone in the church leadership that would want to work with me.  I obviously chose the wrong person to ask.   Anyone know how I can find the church leaders over certain committees? I'd like to contact the right person next time.  

Sorry for the venting.  I'll be nicer next posting.

what's with the pics of you...

Here's another pet-peeve of mine of guys on dating sites (LDS oriented sites and non).  What is with all the pictures of the guys with their shirts off or of the guys laying down on their pillows?!?!?! I'm sorry, but that's just not classy to me!

R U really???? LDS????

What does it mean to be LDS?  What does it mean to be a member of the church?  I just did a preliminary search of people online at m.com.  I put in the only criteria as, Christian/LDS and over 6' tall.

Guess what - half the guys that came up are technically (I guess) LDS but they are also "Social Drinkers/one-or two"   (correction: 85% of the men were drinkers).  The pages shrunk from 50 to 18 when I clicked that they couldn't drink or smoke.  

what????

Brave

"Brave"

written by Idina Menzel

Don't know just where I'm going

And tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming

And the air is cold

And I'm not the same anymore

I've been running in your direction 

For to long now

I've lost my own reflection

And I can't look down

If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own

If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home

I might be afraid 

But it's my turn to be brave

If this is the last chance before we say goodbye

At least it's the first day of the rest of my life

I can't be afraid 

Cause it's my turn to be brave

All along all I ever wanted, was to be the light

When your life was daunting

But I can't see mine

When I feel as though you're pushing me away

Well who's to blame, are we making the right choices

Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices

As we close the door even though we are so desperate to stay

If this is the moment I stand here on my own

If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home

I might be afraid 

But it's my turn to be brave

If this is the last chance before we say goodbye

At least it's the first day of the rest of my life

I can't be afraid 

Cause it's my turn to be brave

And I might still cry

And I might still bleed

These thorns in my side

This heart on my sleeve

And lightening may strike 

This ground at my feet

And I might still crash

But I still believe

This is the moment I stand here all alone

With everything I have inside, everything I own

I might be afraid 

But it's my turn to be brave

If this is the last time before we say goodbye

At least it's the first day of the rest of my life

I can't be afraid 

Cause it's my turn to be brave

Mental Block

I have a mental block or wall.  

I want to meet a guy and hopefully find someone to have a relationship with and hopefully have it lead to marriage and all that jazz :)... and yet, when someone expresses interest, I can feel myself mentally/internally freeze and tense and step-back.  I'm scared to put myself out there "one more time" and just feel like eventually the boy will end up walking over (or away) me and I'm scared.  I try to put myself out there.  (In my case, I'm doing this through online dating sites) and when there's an opening, I have these freudian thoughts/subliminal messages float into my mind "is it worth it?" "will he hurt me?"  

2 months ago, I took myself off of every dating site but one.  This was because I had just started emails with a guy (we'll call him M) and I felt like I needed to take a chance with.  Well, I was slow to answer him, more because I was scared that he'd want something, and I would meet him and I wouldn't want "it".  I don't want this to happen any more.  

I know this is a weird segue but I was watching the bachelor last night.  The girl that kicked off said something like this, "i told myself that the next time I fell in love, it would be the man I'm going to marry.... because I don't want to be hurt any more."  To that, my cynical (I admit it) brain thought, "you can't control that!  I know and I've got years on her!!! (I think she's 25ish)."  

I would love to say the same thing, and I think internally, that is what I'm saying... "I don't want to put myself out there any more - except for THE ONE".... but how do I know?  

Back to M...

Now, he's being slow to answer me and I'm about to let the membership on that site end.  So, that means I'm off all sites right?  Wrong.  I just signed up for the gimic of 6 months on M.com.  WHY!??!?!  I can't give up - is really my thought.  

So, now I'm on m.com and have been for a week.  I even put my pictures up.  (EEK!).  I'm surprised how active the site is.  Here's my dilemma, do I only let myself contact and be contacted by guys who are LDS?  Or do I allow myself to go down that road again - with guys who aren't?  I've done that before with K - and he walked away - probably because I wouldn't go  farther than kissing (although, he just walked away and didn't have the cajunes to tell me that to my face)... so is it even worth it to go out with guys who aren't LDS?  Am I setting myself up for a fall? 

So why the mental block?  I blame K - or really the experience with him. I still feel scarred from K and it's been a year since I've talked with him!  

I just want affirmation that there are good guys out there, who have got it together, and someone who wants to be with me - for who I am.  Someone who respects and loves me.  I want to meet someone I can be proud to be with.  So, I guess I paid for the 6 months on m.com - that means I am showing my committment to try again.  I just need to figure out who I'm willing to open up too - who I'm willing to try and push past the mental block and try again for...