Merry Christmas

"If I could only have you near... I would be happy just to hold the hands I love... on this Winter night with you."

This song was originally written by Gordon Lightfoot. I've decided I like his folksie sound - but Sarah's version of this song is great too!

Merry Christmas. I hope this Christmas season is a season of love with family and faith and peace.
Love,
Me
2008

I think I loved him...

So, I've been hearing a lot of definitions about love lately and maybe I'm just in a pensive mood because of the holidays and well, i guess because I don't have a present man-of-my-life to focus on, I end up reflecting on the loves who have come and gone. I've also had a couple friends talk about how they're not in love with the one they were dating and another who is upset with moving on to the family ward from a singles ward - and how there should be a better transition instead of a 'you've turned 31 ---drop you and you're gone" policy...

So I've been thinking about this boy, N. I really truly was in-like with the boy for a very long time. We even had a "talk" where he told me he couldn't date me. The night that happened, my roommate and I went to toilet paper his house (in return for his breaking my heart) but we saw him sitting on the porch - looking lost. A year later, he had moved to another state and I visited him while I was on a work trip. Somehow, one thing led to another and we kissed. I was suppose to be over him! For someone in her mid-twenties, I guess a kiss shouldn't be a big deal yet, I had never kissed a boy before.

Many events followed in the months to follow and we ended up driftin' apart - I think mostly because I refused to put any effort into a relationship I was scared would just end up breaking my heart again. Instead, I always say that I didn't love him any more. And really maybe I didn't. But I still wish that things could have happened differently - that our timing could have been on the same track instead of missing each other. I wish and yet - it really is okay that it wasn't that way.

Deep down, I know we don't make sense and I'm really happy that he is married to someone else. But still, I think I loved him and I really hope that someday someone will come and I can say that I love HIM and forget all the loves I've left behind.
And really, i have to say that I live with the motto "no regrets" and deep down, there is no regret - just a wish for things to have been different.

I'm trying to think of a way to twist this so it shows I'm really ending on a positive note - and the only thing I can think of is... "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks...